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White Boys From New Jersey

White Boys From New Jersey
 
John Sawoski, Keyboardist / Composer / Producer (Photo: Bob Young Photography)
John Sawoski
Keyboardist
Composer
Producer
(310) 590-6000
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Unless otherwise specified, all music copyright © and (P) 2010 John Sawoski, published by Million Oaks Music (ASCAP). All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured. Any use, transmission, broadcast, synchronization, or reproduction without owner consent is prohibited. All web content copyright ©2006 John Sawoski, PO Box 7060, Beverly Hills, CA 90212. (310) 590-6000. All rights reserved.

Programs, artists, dates, prices and availability subject to change.

Updated: July 06, 2013 

Let The Listener BewareParental Advisory
White Boys From New Jersey

Let The Listener Beware

 

Artist description

Weird Al and Beavis fans, watch out! White Boys from New Jersey are hitting the airwaves!White Boys from New Jersey are Jumpin’ John and Pumpin’ Paul, whose zany rap and rock songs, featured on the Dr. Demento Show, are inducing a worldwide epidemic of musical intoxication with their "intelligently stupid" lyrics, hot instrumental performances, and truly fresh grooves, including a "rap waltz." Dr. Demento says they’re "very entertaining," and you will, too, when you hear their first EP, "Let the Listener Beware!" Brace yourself!!!

Music Style

Comedy/rap/novelty

Musical Influences

Weird Al, Devo, Beavis, Mozart

Similar Artists

Weird Al and Beavis

Artist History

Formed over the telephone and the internet by two guys who met each other in college.

Group Members

White Boys from New Jersey are Jumpin’ John and Pumpin’ Paul, whose zany rap and rock songs, featured on the Dr. Demento Show, are inducing a worldwide epidemic of musical intoxication with their "intelligently stupid" lyrics, hot instrumental performances, and truly fresh grooves, including a "rap waltz." Neither John nor Paul live in New Jersey (although they did a long time ago).Jumpin’ John and Pumpin’ Paul aren’t as hard-up for female attention as they make themselves out to be in their songs; however, Paul IS as crude!

Instruments

Male and female vocals, keyboards, electric bass, electric guitar, percussion, drums, cello, piccolo.

Albums

Let The Listener Beware

Press Reviews

"Very entertaining…" –Dr.Demento

"So bad, they’re good!" –Ryan Moore, songwriter, synth programmer for Devo

"I’m very, very impressed! The material’s great, the production is on the mark…I really love the ‘intelligently stupid’ lyrics…" –Steven Andrews, studio vocalist & background singer for many famous acts, including Petula Clark

"..I thought your tape was wonderful…" –Rick Inguanti, Producer at The Sun Group Recording Studio, NYC

"TRULY ingenious… White Boys From New Jersey showcases the genius of two brilliant performing composers…bursting with hilarious lyrics relating life from the white male New Jerseyan’s perspective–with a rap twist! Combining great vocals with AMAZING instrumental performances [and] mastery of genres ranging from classical to boogie… these two are destined to go far beyond the borders of the Garden State…" –Grace Griffith, folk recording artist and three-time WAMMIE (Washington Area Music Association Award) winner as Best Female Vocalist

"[Your tape] is quite unique. I do believe that you have a great product here." –Sammie Lee Marler, President, Five Roses Music Group

Additional Info

Special Bonus Track: Psycho Bitch from Hell

AWARDS:

Grand Prize, 1993 V.O.C.A.L. (Virginia Organization of Composers & Lyricists) Song Contest

First Place (Novelty Category), 1993 V.O.C.A.L. Song Contest

First Place (Other Category), 1993 Louisville Area Songwriters’ Cooperative Song Contest

Third Place (Open/Novelty), 1992 Mid-Atlantic Song Contest

Semi-Finalist (Rock), 1992 Mid-Atlantic Song Contest

Location

Columbus, New Jersey – USA

Track Listing

1 "White Boys From New Jersey"

2 "Jersey Girls"

3 "White Boys Got Rhythm"

4 "Starving Black Hole"

5 "Psycho Bitch From Hell"
  Listen or buy
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"White Boys From New Jersey" genre: Comedy / Novelty
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Two talented professional musicians from New Jersey introduce themselves.

CD: Let The Listener Beware   Label: ZFD Productions


Credits: White Boys From New Jersey (3:39) – Words and Music by Paul Nahay & John Sawoski, © 1993 MILLION OAKS MUSIC (ASCAP) AND (P) 1993 ZFD PRODUCTIONS. Produced and Arranged by John Sawoski & Paul Nahay.

Male Rap Vocals: Paul Nahay & John Sawoski. Female Vocals: Rozlyn Sorrell.
Keyboards: John Sawoski & Paul Nahay. Percussion: Bob Moore.
Electric Guitar: Joe Milton.
Electric Bass: Adrian Rosen.

Recorded in Hollywood, California, 1993. ZFD Productions, P.O. Box 7060, Beverly Hills, CA 90212

 
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"Jersey Girls" genre: Comedy / Novelty
image
Jumpin’ John and Pumpin’ Paul’s ode to the women of New Jersey.
CD: Let the Listener Beware   Label: ZFD Productions


Credits: Jersey Girls (3:08) – Words and Music by Paul Nahay & John Sawoski © 1993 MILLION OAKS MUSIC (ASCAP) AND (P) 1993 ZFD PRODUCTIONS ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Produced and Arranged by John Sawoski & Paul Nahay. Male Rap Vocals: Paul Nahay & John Sawoski.

Female Vocals: Sherry Williams.
Keyboards: John Sawoski & Paul Nahay. Percussion: Bob Moore.
Electric Guitar: Joe Milton.
Electric Bass: Adrian Rosen.

Recorded in Hollywood, California, 1993. ZFD Productions, P.O. Box 7060, Beverly Hills, CA 90212

 
image
"White Boys Got Rhythm" genre: Comedy/Novelty
image
The original rap waltz.
CD: Let The Listener Beware   Label: ZFD Productions

Credits: White Boys Got Rhythm (3:24) – Words and Music by John Sawoski & Paul Nahay. © 1993 MILLION OAKS MUSIC (ASCAP) AND (P) 1993 ZFD PRODUCTIONS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Produced and Arranged by John Sawoski & Paul Nahay.

Male Rap Vocals: Paul Nahay & John Sawoski. Female Vocals: Rozlyn Sorrel & Sherry Williams. Keyboards: John Sawoski & Paul Nahay. Percussion: Bob Moore.
Electric Guitar: Joe Milton.
Electric Bass: Adrian Rosen.

Recorded in Hollywood, California, 1993. ZFD Productions, P.O. Box 7060, Beverly Hills, CA 90212

LYRICS:

White Boys From New Jersey

Words & Music by Paul Nahay & John Sawoski

Click here to listen or buy track or album.

BOTH: We’re White Boys, from New Jersey!

PAUL: Yo, chill out while we tell you ’bout the two of us

JOHN: No, our names aren’t Mortimer, Clyde, or Gus, I’m John

PAUL: I’m Paul, sort of a Beatles situation,

Except we’re of Hungarian

JOHN: And Polish

BOTH: derivation.

JOHN: I was born in ’62

PAUL: Me in 1958

BOTH: And we both grew up in the Garden State

PAUL: But don’t be givin’ us no Turnpike crap

JOHN: Yeah, Jersey means so much more than that… to us

BOTH: White Boys, from New Jersey/ White Boys, White Boys from New Jersey!

PAUL: So what’s the scoop, white boy?

JOHN: Did you know that New Jersey has the densest population and more

Superfund sites than any state in the nation?

PAUL: Why, of COURSE I did! What, you think I’m some FOOL?

That’s the FIRST thing they taught us back in nursery school!

JOHN: Yet we didn’t know each other in our youth,

PAUL: Not to my knowledge, though I heard you play piano down at

Glassboro State College. **** (Grieg Concerto Theme) ****

JOHN: But we really met when I was in your class at Stanford U.

PAUL: And you wrote a song that made me laugh so hard, I spewed, it was

Full of ref’rences to every style of music, so I

Said "You’ve got the talent – now get out of here and use it", you

BOTH: White Boy, from New Jersey/ White Boy, White Boy from New Jersey!

GIRLS: Oh, you White Boy – Talented White Boy… from New Jersey!

PAUL: Then you moved out to L.A.

JOHN: And you to Washington, D.C.

BOTH: And we began collaborating via AT&T.

PAUL: We talked about the projects that we wanted to do next

JOHN: Although our conversations always ended up about sex

PAUL: Well, what’d you expect? We’re studly dudes

JOHN: We like to party hardy

PAUL: Yeah,

BOTH: We’re no prudes !!!

JOHN: So when the breathin’ gets heavy

PAUL: And the lights start dimmin’,

BOTH: Sorry, gay guys, but… we do women

PAUL: like

BOTH: White Boys, from New Jersey/ White Boys, White Boys from New Jersey!

GIRLS: Oh, you White Boys! Love them White Boys… from New Jersey!

PAUL: Now, we’re tryin’ to break into this crazy showbiz

You played the Beverly Wilshire

JOHN: Don’t forget you played "Les Miz", but whereas

Others may aspire to their "Master of Arts"

BOTH: We want to make it big by rappin’ to the top o’ the charts

JOHN: We crave the fame and fortune, and the fringes it will bring

PAUL: Like having Michael and Madonna phoning US for songs to sing

JOHN: We’ll have bikinied babes around us

PAUL: Summer

JOHN: Winter

PAUL: Spring

JOHN: And fall

BOTH: Pretty good for two white guys

JOHN: Jumpin’ John

PAUL: And Pumpin’ Paul,

JOHN: Your basic

BOTH: White Boys, from New Jersey/ White Boys, White Boys from New Jersey!

GIRLS: Oh, you White Boys – Gotta have White Boys…

JOHN: Solo time.

**** (Bach) ****

PAUL: No way….. **** (Mozart) ****

PAUL: Yeh right…. **** (Chopin) ****

PAUL: Bogus….. **** (Modern) ****

PAUL: Slammin’….**** (Modern) ****

JOHN: We’re so white!!!

PAUL: Every now and then, even WE wish we were black

JOHN: So the world would take us seriously when we rap

PAUL: We’ve even contemplated certain surgical procedures

That would darken and extend our anatomical features

JOHN: But after considerable consideration

We’ve decided against such cosmetic alterations

PAUL: ‘Cause no matter where we live, how we talk, or what we do

JOHN: We simply can’t help it, we’re just too

BOTH: White Boys, from New Jersey/ White Boys, White Boys from New Jersey!

We’re White Boys, from New Jersey

White Boys, White Boys from New Jersey!

GIRLS: Oh, you White Boys/Gimme a White Boy… from New Jersey!

Love them White Boys/Do it with White Boys… from New Jersey!

JOHN: (Spoken) Boy, I’m hungry.

PAUL: (Spoken) Wanna go to donut king?

JOHN: (Spoken) How ‘bout Bob’s House of Lard?

PAUL: (Spoken) Yeh, you only live once.

© & (P) 1994 John Sawoski & Paul Nahay, P.O. Box 7060, Beverly Hills, CA 90212


Jersey Girls

Words and Music by Paul Nahay and John Sawoski
Click here to listen or buy track or album.

 

PAUL: I was walking down the street in L.A.

When I was approached by an incredible babe.

She must have though that I was hip

‘Cause she asked me to watch her do the Sunset Strip

Now it sounded real tempting, but I had to decline

As she didn’t measure up to certain standards of mine

She had a mega-babe topography

But she was handicapped geographically

GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl

BOTH: (Jersey Girls, Jersey Girls)

GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl

BOTH: (Jersey Girls, Jersey Girls)

JOHN: As I was hailin’ a cab on the Upper West Side,

A sexy lady in a limo offered me a ride

I said I had to make the World Trade Center in an hour

When she opened up her blouse and showed

her own Twin Towers

Now, I hope I wasn’t rude turning down her invitation,

But I had some reservations about her present location

Though it’s clear I could’ve had some sophisticated futzin’

The ass is always greener on the other side of the Hudson

GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl

JOHN: From High Point down to Cape May,

only Jersey Girls do it my way

GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl

PAUL: From Atlantic City to Cherry Hill,

only Jersey Girls give me that thrill

ALL: I want a Jersey Girl

Not an L.A. or New York girl

‘Cause only Jersey Girls

Do it in New Jersey all night long

(Guitar Solo)

BOTH: (Jersey Girls, Jersey Girls)

(Guitar Solo)

BOTH: (Jersey Girls, Jersey Girls)

PAUL: I was admiring the Mona Lisa in the Louvre

When two Parisian chicks asked me out to groove

I said I was in France to enhance my education

So they said they’d be my guide on a menage à trois vacation

Now I didn’t want to hurt Franco-American relations

But I RSVP’d "no" in spite of their strong protestations

For I knew then what I needed,

and my craving made me frantic

For the women that I wanted only lived across the Atlantic

GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl

BOTH: (Jersey Girls, Jersey Girls)

GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl

BOTH: (Jersey Girls, Jersey Girls)

GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl

JOHN: From High Point down to Cape May,

only Jersey Girls do it my way

GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl

PAUL: From Atlantic City to Cherry Hill,

only Jersey Girls give me that thrill

GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl

BOTH: (Jersey Girls, Jersey Girls)

GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl

BOTH: (Jersey Girls, Jersey Girls)

© & (P) 1993 John Sawoski & Paul Nahay, P.O. Box 7060, Beverly Hills, CA 90212

 

Starving Black Hole

Words and Music by Ryan S. Moore, Paul Nahay & John Sawoski

Click here to listen or buy track or album.

JOHN: The White Boys were cruisin’ the streets of downtown Newark

Lookin’ to get some play

When we noticed an ad about a rapping contest

Which we figured could get us major babes

So we entered the contest and really kicked butt

But the judges must have thought we sounded like poop.

‘Cause they gave us last prize – a pair of tickets

To the factory tour at Campbell’s Soup.

Needless to say, we were pretty bummed out

By the way they dissed us when we thought we’d slammed ‘em

But having no other plans that day

We took the tickets and a bus down to Camden.

While on the tour we slipped on some tomatoes,

Slid across the floor on a conveyor belt…

Next thing we knew we were packed into crates addressed

NASA, Florida, attention: Space Shuttle

PAUL: This is mission control. We seem to

have some unaccounted-for extra weight on board

However, our computers indicate we are go

So prepare to be blasted out of your gourd

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 BLAST OFF (FX) We have liftoff (FX)

JOHN: Soon the captain found us, and said

PAUL: You’re expendable

So I’m assigning you a destination to explore

Your mission is to seek out and boldly enter

A place where no man has gone before:

PAUL: It’s not a mini black hole

Not a giant black hole

Not a frozen black hole

But a

GIRL: Starving Black Hole

JOHN: Not a mini black hole?

PAUL: Too small

JOHN: Not a giant black hole?

PAUL: Too large

JOHN: Not a frozen black hole?

PAUL: Too cold

It’s a

GIRL: Starving Black Hole

JOHN: Now, we experienced confusion ’bout what he said

Together with nausea from our weightless condition

For though black holes were mentioned in comics we’d read

We didn’t understand the purpose of our mission

So, the captain explained that a Starving Black Hole

Is a heavenly body that clenches like a fist

And sucks you in with a force so strong

Not a man alive is able to resist

Our job, he said, was to plunge its depths

And use our manned units to measure its pulsation

And if we were lucky, it would respond

With electro-magnetic bio-tech gyrations

Which would send our module’s head into reception overload

Causing lights to blink and fuses to blow

But the captain seemed to think that we’d come out all right

If we just got down to business, and didn’t take all night

So we said we were ready, and we understood the plan

‘Cause we knew this was our chance to prove ourselves a man

But even though our minds were prepared to try it, we

Experienced bodily performance anxiety

PAUL: Don’t just stand there with your hands in your pockets

JOHN: he said

PAUL: Oxidize and pressurize the fuel pumps of your rockets

Check your spherical reserves and synchronize

so you can dock it with that

GIRL: Starving Black Hole

JOHN: So we suited up, and stood erect

Aimed our pod at the hole and pushed "eject"

And with a payload to deliver and a mission to be done

We discovered black hole probing could be lots of fun!

JOHN: Don’t want a mini black hole

No giant black hole

Forget that frozen black hole

Give me a

GIRL: Starving Black Hole

ALL: Not a mini black hole?

JOHN: Too small

ALL: Not a giant black hole?

JOHN: Too large

ALL: Not a frozen black hole?

JOHN: Too cold

It’s a

GIRL: Starving Black Hole

GIRL: Star light, star bright, star whose orbit holds me tight,

I wish I may, I wish I might,

swallow the manned probe I see tonight!

JOHN: Don’t want a mini black hole

No giant black hole

Forget that frozen black hole

Give me a

GIRL: Starving Black Hole

ALL: Not a mini black hole?

JOHN: Too small

ALL: Not a giant black hole?

JOHN: Too large

ALL: Not a frozen black hole?

JOHN: Too cold

But a

GIRL: Starving Black Hole

JOHN: ‘Cause its really very simple if you’ve got the right technique

The basic docking maneuver’s known by every techno-geek

So with some practice you, too, can rendezvous

ten times a week with any

GIRL: Starving Black Hole

PAUL: And if you follow the procedures that I’ve outlined so precisely

All your new celestial rendezvous will turn out very nicely

For there’s nothing as enticing as your very first encounter with a

GIRL: Starving Black Hole

JOHN: Oh, yeh!

 

© & (P) 1993 Ryan S. Moore, Paul Nahay & John Sawoski, P.O. Box 7060, Beverly Hills, CA 90212

 

White Boys Got Rhythm

Words and Music by John Sawoski and Paul Nahay
Click here to listen or buy track or album.

 

GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm

White Boys got soul

White Boys got rhythm

BOTH: Everybody waltz!

FX: One, two, three!

JOHN: Do the rap waltz!

PAUL: Let’s jam!

JOHN: Everybody clap your hands!

PAUL: Do the rap waltz!

JOHN: Make a move!

PAUL: Come dance the White Boys’ funky groove!

BOTH: Everybody waltz!!!

JOHN: Now, Caucasians, as a rule, aren’t known for having rhythm

It seems the Good Lord in His wisdom just didn’t put it in ’em

PAUL: But the White Boys From New Jersey are a notable exception

We got the beat from the thumping that preceded our conception.

JOHN: Our piano teachers emphasized the study of the classics

So we obeyed, and made no waves, pursuing musical scholastics

PAUL: Until the day when we combined a waltz together with a rap beat

And the concoction really rocked ‘n’ knocked our socks off

JOHN: It was quite neat

PAUL: It’s a convoluted systematic rhythm

JOHN: Johann Strauss is in his grave, but this would flip him

PAUL: We took layered polyrhythmic anacruses,

JOHN: Hemiolas, arses, icti, and Watusi

PAUL: Then we added compound metrical durations

JOHN: In the most outrageous rhythmic combinations

PAUL: But the reason for this all is not complex:

BOTH: We simply want more opportunities for sex

JOHN: Do the rap waltz!

PAUL: Let’s jam!

GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm!

JOHN: Everybody clap your hands!

GIRLS: White Boys got soul!

PAUL: Do the rap waltz!

JOHN: Make a move!

GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm!

PAUL: Come dance the White Boys’ funky groove!

BOTH: Everybody waltz!!!

JOHN: It’s been awhile since a waltz went all the way to Number One

PAUL: So when the White Boys From New Jersey rocked a waltz,

the world was stunned

JOHN: Ever since our song monopolized the airwaves of the nation

BOTH: We’ve induced a massive case of musical intoxication

PAUL: All the kids are really grooving to our funky kickin’ cadence

JOHN: As we savor the affections of adoring nubile maidens

Who’d have thought that we could meet

so many babes who’d make our nights sweet

PAUL: By permuting syncopated variations on a white beat?

PAUL: It’s a convoluted systematic rhythm

JOHN: Johann Strauss is in his grave, but this would flip him

PAUL: We took layered polyrhythmic anacruses,

JOHN: Hemiolas, arses, icti, and Watusi

PAUL: Then we added compound metrical durations

JOHN: In the most outrageous rhythmic combinations

PAUL: But the reason for this all is not complex:

BOTH: We simply want more opportunities for sex

JOHN: Do the rap waltz!

PAUL: Let’s jam!

GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm!

JOHN: Everybody clap your hands!

GIRLS: White Boys got soul!

PAUL: Do the rap waltz!

JOHN: Make a move!

GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm!

PAUL: Come dance the White Boys’ funky groove!

BOTH: Everybody waltz!!!

JOHN: Welcome to Jumpin’ John

PAUL: And Pumpin’ Paul’s

BOTH: Dance studio

GIRL: Let’s dance!

PAUL: Anyone can do it

JOHN: There’s really nothing to it

PAUL: Just follow our lead:

JOHN: On the downbeat you jump up

GIRL: Jump it!

PAUL: On the upbeat you pump down

GIRL: Pump it!

JOHN: So get on your feet, get with the beat

PAUL: Four, five, six!!!

FX: One!

GIRL: Jump it! Pump it!

FX: Two!

GIRL: Pump it!

PAUL: Get off your rump! Get off on the thump!

JOHN: Slip and slide and bump!

PAUL: Push it! Come on!

GIRL: Push it!

PAUL: Use your tush!

JOHN: It’ll make your blood boil.

GIRL: Give it to me baby. Oh yeah.

BOTH: Oom-Pah-Pah!!!

PAUL: It’s a convoluted systematic rhythm

JOHN: Johann Strauss is in his grave, but this would flip him

PAUL: We took layered polyrhythmic anacruses,

JOHN: Hemiolas, arses, icti, and Watusi

PAUL: Then we added compound metrical durations

JOHN: In the most outrageous rhythmic combinations

PAUL: But the reason for this all is not complex:

BOTH: We simply want more opportunities for sex

JOHN: Do the rap waltz!

PAUL: Let’s jam!

GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm!

JOHN: Everybody clap your hands!

GIRLS: White Boys got soul!

PAUL: Do the rap waltz!

JOHN: Make a move!

GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm!

PAUL: Come dance the White Boys’ funky groove!

BOTH: Everybody waltz!!!

JOHN: Do the rap waltz!

PAUL: Just do it!

GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm!

PAUL: We’re groovin’ hard…

JOHN: So don’t poo-poo it!

GIRLS: White Boys got soul!

JOHN: It’s not Beethoven’s Fifth, or Tchaikovsky’s Sixth…

GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm!

BOTH: But it helps the White Boys get their kicks.

WOMEN: (Screams)

I want John!

I want Paul!

Ooh, baby, you’ve got rhythm

GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm!

© & (P) 1994 John Sawoski & Paul Nahay, P.O. Box 7060, Beverly Hills, CA 90212

Psycho Bitch From Hell

Words & Music by Paul Nahay and John Sawoski

Click here to listen or buy track or album.

(Woman’s voice: “Hi, it’s me. Leave word. By.”)

VERSE 1:

If she were the weather, she’d only rain,

and if she were a plumber, she’d clog up your drain

If she were your car, she wouldn’t start

And if she were a surgeon, she’d rip out your heart

If she were a telephone, you’d be disconnected

And if she were your genitals, you’d be infected

CHORUS:

She’s a Psycho Bitch From Hell

Her touch is torture, her love is hate

She’s a Psycho Bitch From Hell

I’d leave her now, but the sex is great

Just to look at her, you could never tell

How she treats me bad so very well

She’s my very own personal

Psycho Bitch From Hell

VERSE 2:

If she were a waitress, she’d spit in your drink

And if she were your liferaft, you’d sink

If she were your conscience, you wouldn’t think twice

And if she were a German, her name would be Scheiss

If she were a barber, she’d cut off your head

And if she were your grandma, she’d pump you with lead

CHORUS

BRIDGE:

Now don’t get me wrong, you know I love my baby –

There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.

It’s just the way that she treats me lately –

You’d think she was sent by Lucifer.

VERSE 3:

If she were a preacher, she’d mock your beliefs

And if she were a dentist, she’d knock out your teeth

If she were a clown, she’d make you cry

And if she were your lawyer, well, you’d fry

If she were your therapist, you’d lose your mind

But as a mortician, she’d do just fine

CHORUS

© & (P) 1992 John Sawoski & Paul Nahay, P.O. Box 7060, Beverly Hills, CA 90212